Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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