at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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