Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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