you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
