u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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