Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
