barbara walters just said penis...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
