Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
