You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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