please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
