She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
