I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
