I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
