well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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