the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am naked and annoyed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
