Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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