garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
