We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
