you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
