I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
