the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Green mimosas i think yes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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