ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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