i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
