Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
