I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
