I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
