FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
