...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
