I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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