I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
