you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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