Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
