Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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