dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
