Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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