Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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