used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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