allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
