I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
