i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
