hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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