yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
