i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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