Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
