I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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