I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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