.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
