Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
