just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
