Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
