I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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