Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
