I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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