you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
