Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
