Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
