we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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